Mini-Rant #1

Mini-rant, because it's not just about one topic. More like a rapid-fire rant surplus!

Why is it that people call a wrong number, listen to the answering machine message from the person whose wrong number they called (which helps clarify how wrong the number is), and then proceed to leave a personal message while also specifically naming the person whose wrong number they called? Why does some schmuck from DULUTH, MINNESOTA think that a guy in Arizona is going to pick him up from God knows where after hearing his name? Who is this guy looking for? I hate when that happens.

Does Costco actually think a policy of badgering will get more love from customers? The scenario is this: I get a Costco membership. There are two types of membership: regular and, as Sam Gerard once hissed, extra-crispy. The only difference is that, for every 100 dollars I spend, I get 2 dollars back. What a savings. I choose regular, which is half the cost of extra-crispy. The guy behind the counter asks me politely if I'd like to get extra-crispy; I decline politely. End of story. By happenstance, I end up buying my HDTV (a purchase I do not regret, barely), a 42-inch plasma screen from Panasonic for 700 smackers. Not a bad deal. I check out and, as the cashier rings me up, another Costco employee, a woman, asks me in the most insincerely friendly way if I've heard about the extra-crispy membership, which would bring me a whole 14 dollars back from the TV. I say, somewhat testily, that I have and am not interested. End of story. I am told by the cashier to go to the merchandise cage to get the manual and TV remote. On the way there ("there" being about 25 feet), ANOTHER employee, a guy in a polo shirt, asks me, faux-sincere, if I've heard about extra-crispy...REALLY, have I heard about it? Am I sure I don't want all its magical fucking benefits? Before I am able to take out my membership card and destroy it, I respond quickly that I've heard and DON'T WANT IT.

Two months pass without a single visit to Costco, proving the worthlessness of the extra-crispy membership, at least for someone like me. I spend about 80 bucks (also known as no money back) and, as I exit the cashier's line, the SAME FUCKING GUY, Mr. Polo Shirt, asks me again if I'm interested, and I just walk away.

So, again, I ask if Costco thinks this is going to make me more or less interested in buying from them. Yes, I would like a twelve-pack of Heinz ketchup, please. Yes, I would like a box set of Cary Grant DVDs, please. Bullshit.

Why is Joe the Plumber showing up again on my TV. Who gives a shit about this moron? His name isn't Joe. He's not a licensed plumber. He's not a real journalist, but he's in Israel, telling us that journalists shouldn't cover war, only present propaganda. Fucking asshole.

Why does Hollywood think the right message to show off in its award ceremonies this year is extra glamour? Yeah, what I need right now is watching Tom Wilkinson get drunk off his ass and Angelina Jolie frowning because she didn't win an award she shouldn't have fucking won. Oh, and by the way, who gives a flying shit if Jolie snubbed Ryan Seacrest? How arrogant can you get? "So, since I host a karaoke show, I am entitled to ask Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie about their harem of children." Is that what flies through his excuse for a mind? Seriously? I don't care.

Morons.