Sigh. Either this story won't die, or I won't let it. Take your pick. Anyway, Jay Leno went onto Oprah Winfrey's show today (in a taped interview in his studio in Burbank, California--way to seem personable, Jay!) to tell his side of the story in the most recent late-night wars. Granted, Jay did have the platform that Oprah has: a five-day-a-week, hourlong program in which he could dictate a nice chunk of the content. Did he not get a chance to tell his story then? Well, of course he did. He portrayed himself as not just a victim, but the victim. Feel bad for Conan O'Brien, sure, but make sure you feel real bad for Jay Leno. Don't forget, he got fired. Don't forget, the ratings that Conan had were what kicked him out. Don't forget, he took the 11:35 timeslot to save the jobs of the people working for his show.
Don't forget, because as long as he keeps reminding you not to forget all of those things, you might be able to poke holes all over his argument. I could tell you about the many ways in which Jay Leno is an idiot, a douchebag, an asshole, or a selfish whiner, but all you need to do is read the transcript or watch the interview, and you need no further proof. But I can't let it go, because even the television writers I respect and read seem to....well, let's be honest, there are other stories going on now, and I can't blame them for wanting to get rid of the nasty aftertaste the ordeal left. But Jay Leno, big shock, is being a huge fucking hypocrite.
First, the idea that Jay got fired. Jay didn't just get fired, he got fired twice. See, when you get fired, your hourlong comedy show gets moved from one timeslot to another. Sorry, let me try again. When you get fired, your hourlong comedy show not only gets moved from one timeslot to another, but it gets moved to a timeslot that is far better, because more people are going to be awake. Wait, one more time. When you get fired, your hourlong comedy gets moved to a better timeslot, and does so at the expense of hundreds of other people whose dramas aren't going to get picked up by the network you work for. See, Jay's a people person. He cares about the people who work for his show. He doesn't, however, care about the people who work for Conan O'Brien. He also doesn't care (or, according to the interview, he is unaware of their existence) about the people whose shows weren't renewed or picked up, because the 10 p.m. timeslot was closed to them.
Jay Leno did not get fired. If I get fired, I am not placed in a better job. I am promoted. If I get fired, I do not come back to work. If you want to argue that, in 2004, Jay Leno was fired, you may. And as soon as Jay Leno publicly said he would retire, your argument fell apart. Moreover, it's hard to call that getting fired when, by the time Leno's last 11:35 show aired, he had a better job with more money. Jay Leno did not get fired. He got promoted for, as Jeff Zucker does, failing upwards.
Second, the ratings. I am tired to death about the ratings. The ratings were destroying the 11:35 franchise, says Leno. Jay Leno is an interesting person to make such an accusation, especially when you consider a few things. First of all, Jay Leno did a terrible job with the ratings in the 3 years in between him taking over for Johnny Carson and when Hugh Grant came on his show in August 1995. After that, Leno had all the ratings in the world. But how great were Leno's ratings? Not that great, unless you consider 5 million overall viewers and a 1.4 18-49 rating great. And guess what? If you work for a broadcast network, and a primetime show does that rating, that rating sucks. That's why Jay Leno's 10:00 show failed. Because he got those ratings, and he got them against CBS dramas.
So, how well did Conan O'Brien do in those ratings? Well, in overall viewership, yes, he was not doing so hot. People had left him for David Letterman, by a margin of over one million viewers by the time December came around. But advertisers don't care. And advertisers set the rates, which is what makes networks money. So all the networks should care about is the 18-49 rating, because that's all advertisers care about. The best ratings equal the most money. Conan did have a decreased 18-49 rating, 1.1. So, who was the number-one host at 11:35 while Conan was on? Why, Conan O'Brien, of course. Yeah, see, NBC wanted Conan O'Brien to leave because he wasn't the best number-one host compared with Jay Leno a year ago.
What's most frustrating about the interview is that Oprah Winfrey is very obviously in the tank for Jay Leno. Now, that's fine; she's entitled to her opinion and her interview was not heavily biased. Her after-show online video was, and she very clear condescended to the viewers, even though she was shocked, SHOCKED, that people may not see Leno favorably. See, Oprah said, it's all about business. And if it IS all about business, someone can explain to me how, if you fail in primetime, you are given another slot. That's what's frustrating now; Oprah and the few other folks in favor of Leno are trying to act like the whole Jay Leno at 10:00 thing didn't happen. Not just didn't work, didn't happen. Oprah had an analogy in her post-show, comparing Jay to someone who gets fired. Because, again, if you get fired, you move to a better position in the same company. That's how getting fired works. For people like Oprah and Jay Leno, people who make more money in a year than I will ever make.
But the ratings are what they are. Conan's ratings were lower, but not low. They were not disastrous. They were not, as Jay said falsely, what the affiliates were mad about. The affiliates could not give a fuck if Conan doesn't do great. They care about their local news, which comes before Conan, but after, for four months, Jay. That's the funny thing about lead-ins. Conan had bad ratings in the fall, thanks to Jay Leno's poor lead-in. Jay Leno does badly, so the local news does badly. The local news does badly, so Conan O'Brien does badly. But what about the summer? What's Conan's excuse, you ask? Well, kids, it's the SUMMER. Summer television not only sucks, but gets bad ratings. Summer television never gets good ratings. So Conan's ratings suffered from the get-go. But the affiliates were only ever mad about Leno at 10:00. They may be happy that he's back at 11:35, but that doesn't matter to NBC. If one affiliate tells them they're not showing Jay Leno, NBC can push back. If they all say it, it's harder to avoid. The facts are that Jay Leno's ratings are what did him in. Not Conan O'Brien's.
The jobs. Jay took the old timeslot because otherwise, his employees would be out of work. But Conan O'Brien's people? Oh, does he have people? Jay probably doesn't know. Oprah (full credit due here, too) asked Jay about the countless people who would have lost their jobs by not having hourlong dramas airing at 10:00. And Jay just kind of shrugged it off, not having been aware at the time of those people being put out of work. Just as he shrugged off the people he was putting out of work by going back to late-night television in early 2008, crossing the picket lines. Did it matter then? No, because Jay's a workaholic, according to Oprah. He likes telling jokes, even if they're not funny. So it's OK if he wants to work, because it's what he wants. See, he is just looking out for his people. His people are more important than Conan's people. They're more important because...well, they work with Jay, right? That must be it. That is the only reason I can think of, and even that reason is fucking insane.
Jay Leno is a hypocrite and a liar. Oh, and by the way, Jay, telling people on national television that you will retire when you'd rather not is not a little white lie. It's a big fucking lie. So, Jay's a hypocrite. He's a liar. He's a scumbag. And the fact that he can go ragging on Conan O'Brien while Conan has to keep shtum until three months from now is unfair, but it is what it is. But if he keeps talking out of his ass, I'm going to keep ranting. Just like the average guy that I am.
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